i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Everything about him screamed your future.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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