I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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