you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
