Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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