I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
