I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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