still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize