omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
