The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
