Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
