he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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