Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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