the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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