this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
