You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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