You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
