I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
