stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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