I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
