I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
