I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
