Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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