Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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