Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its liver damage thursday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
