My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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