We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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