I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
