Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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