i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize