i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize