Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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