So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
