Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
