After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
