he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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