New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
