Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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