peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
