She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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