it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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