oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
