dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
