wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
