Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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