honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
