he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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