Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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