i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
