One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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