I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
