I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
