Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
