I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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