Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
