what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
