we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are the jesus of drinking
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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