Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
