you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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