she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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