He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
