Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
