I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As shirtless as possible
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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