I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
