I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
