and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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