Porn is love you can see.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You made out with two different species that night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
