she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
