Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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