Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
