Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
