Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
