I faked an abortion last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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