I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
