It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
