he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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