I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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