Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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