Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
