Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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