So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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