you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dear god my vagina.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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