I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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