Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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