STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it because I queefed?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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