ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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