she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
