Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
