Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
