and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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