I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize