brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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