Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
