nut hugger
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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