I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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