my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
