Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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