its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
