So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
