Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
