another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
