they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize