I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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