my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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