Just fell off a train. Bad.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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